Christmas Jokes
Christmas Tree Jokes
1. What did one Christmas tree say to the other? “I’m really branching out this year!”
2. Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed a trim!
3. What do you call a Christmas tree that knows karate? Spruce Lee!
4. How does a Christmas tree get online? It logs in!
5. Why was the Christmas tree always happy? It had lots of branches!
6. What do you call a Christmas tree that plays the guitar? A pine-tar!
7. Why did the Christmas tree go to the disco? It wanted to be the tree-mbling lights!
8. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament? “Aren’t you tired of hanging around?”
9. How do Christmas trees get their own way? They use tinsel tactics!
10. Why did the Christmas tree go to the gym? It wanted to work on its “tree”-ceps!
11. How do you know when a Christmas tree is paying attention? It always looks spruce!
12. What do you call a Christmas tree with no needles? Artificial intelligence!
13. How did the Christmas tree fix its toy train? With a tree-mendous effort!
14. Why did the Christmas tree go to school? It wanted to be tree-educated!
15. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament that kept getting lost? “You need to be a little more tree-sponsible!”
16. How do Christmas trees get around? They sleigh-ride!
17. Why don’t Christmas trees knit socks? They already have plenty of needles!
18. What did the Christmas tree say to the other tree during a race? “I’m totally rooting for you!”
19. How do Christmas trees keep their breath fresh? They use pine mints!
20. What is a Christmas tree’s favorite kind of music? Wrap!
21. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament on a hot summer day? “I’m pining for winter!”
22. How does a Christmas tree get its mail? By using the “spruce” code!
23. Why did the Christmas tree wear headphones? It wanted to listen to “tree”-s.
24. What do you call a Christmas tree that sings? Spruce Springsteen!
25. What do you call a Christmas tree that can solve mysteries? Sherlock Holmes!
26. Why did the Christmas tree bring a ladder to the party? It heard the drinks were on the house!
27. How do Christmas trees travel? They “fir”st-class!
28. What is a Christmas tree’s favorite type of candy? “Orna-mints”!
29. Why was the Christmas tree sitting on a suitcase? It was ready to “spruce” up its vacation!
30. How do Christmas trees knit their sweaters? With “fir”st-class stitching!
31. Why did the Christmas tree go to the art museum? It wanted to see famous tree-masters!
32. What do you call a Christmas tree that tells jokes? A “com-tree-cian”!
33. How do Christmas trees communicate? They use “tree”-mendous signal!
34. Why did the Christmas tree go to the hospital? It was feeling “tree”-mendously ill!
35. How do Christmas trees decorate themselves? They “spruce” up their appearance!
36. Why did the Christmas tree take a nap? It was feeling “tree”-mendously tired!
37. What is a Christmas tree’s favorite game? Pine-pong!
38. How do Christmas trees learn new things? They “spruce” up on their knowledge!
39. Why did the Christmas tree go to the dance? It wanted to “spruce” up its moves!
40. What do you call a Christmas tree with no presents? A “tree”-mendous disappointment!
41. How do Christmas trees get to the North Pole? They take the “snow”-mobile!
42. Why did the Christmas tree go to the gym twice a day? It wanted to stay “tree”-mendously fit!
43. What do you call a Christmas tree that knows how to code? A “cyber-spruce”!
44. How do Christmas trees communicate with each other? They use “tree”-lepathy!
45. Why did the Christmas tree start a band? It wanted to be a “rockin’ spruce”!
46. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament that told a bad joke? “You’re really “bauble”-ing it up!”
47. How do Christmas trees get their hair done? They get “spruce” perms!
48. Why did the Christmas tree start a gardening club? It wanted to learn how to “grow” stronger!
49. Why was the Christmas tree so bad at sewing? It kept dropping its needles!
50. What’s a Christmas tree’s favorite kind of music? “Tree”-lly festive tunes!
51. How do Christmas trees communicate? Through “tree”-mendous signaling!
52. Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed a trim to look “tree”-mendous!
53. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament? “Hang” in there, buddy!
54. What do you call a Christmas tree with no ornaments? A “pine”-plain tree!
55. What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree and an iPad? A pineapple!
56. How do Christmas trees drink water? They “tree”-hydrate!
57. What do you call a Christmas tree that doesn’t want to decorate? A rebel without a Claus!
58. Why was the Christmas tree always tired? It was constantly “pine”-ing away!
59. What’s the most popular Christmas tree at the beach? Sandy Claus!
60. How do Christmas trees access the internet? They log on to the “World Wide Tree”!
61. Why did the Christmas tree take a nap? It needed to “re-fir” itself!
62. What do you call a Christmas tree that tells jokes? A “punny” fir!
63. How does a Christmas tree get around? It “sleighs”!
64. What did the Christmas tree say to the other tree? “I pine for you!”
65. What’s a Christmas tree’s favorite exercise? “Branch” presses!
66. Why did the Christmas tree go to school? It wanted to be “tree”-ducated!
67. What did one Christmas tree say to the other during a snowstorm? “I’m falling for you!”
68. How does a Christmas tree stay safe? It keeps a “fir”-ear extinguisher nearby!
69. What’s a Christmas tree’s favorite social media platform? Pine-terest!
70. How do Christmas trees know when it’s time to go to sleep? They have a “treemendous” sense of timing!
71. Why did the Christmas tree bring a ladder to the party? It wanted to “branch” out!
72. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament? “I’m falling for you, ornamentally!”
73. How do Christmas trees keep their money safe? They use “tree”-asure chests!
74. Why did the Christmas tree visit the doctor? It had a bad case of “tinsel”-itis!
75. What’s a Christmas tree’s favorite movie genre? “Tree”-mendous dramas!
76. How do Christmas trees make phone calls? They “tree”-dial their friends!
77. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament with a bad attitude? “You’re really “bulb”-noxious!”
78. Why did the Christmas tree go to the gym? It wanted to work on its “trunk”!
79. How does a Christmas tree get on the internet? It logs on to the “World Wide Fir”!
80. Why did the Christmas tree bring a saw to the party? It wanted to “cut” a rug!
81. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament with stage fright? “You can “star” on top!”
82. How do Christmas trees keep their secrets safe? They lock them in their “treemendous” vaults!
83. How do Christmas trees express their love? They “tree”-mendously care for one another!
84. What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament with a bad attitude? “You need to “twig” in a positive way!”
85. Why did the Christmas tree wear sunglasses? It didn’t want to be recognized “tree”-mendously!
86. How do Christmas trees travel around the world? They “fir”-st class!
Santa Claus
87. Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney? Because it soots him!
88. What do you get if you cross a snowman and a baker? Frosty the Doughman!
89. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!
90. What do you call Santa when he takes a break? Santa Pause!
91. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues!
92. Why does Santa Claus like to work in his garden? Because he has green thumbs!
93. How does Santa keep his suits wrinkle-free? He uses Claus-tarch!
94. What do you call Santa when he loses his pants? Saint Knickerless!
95. What kind of car does Santa drive? A toy-ota!
96. Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had low “elf” esteem!
97. What do you call Santa when he takes a break to work out? Santa “Fit”!
98. Why did Santa’s helper go to school? To improve his “elf”-esteem!
99. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective? Santa Clues!
100. What do you get when Santa stops moving? Santa Pause!
101. What does Santa call his wife at tax time? A dependent Claus!
102. What does Santa like to eat during his lunch break? Santa-wiches!
103. Why did Santa’s helper go to therapy? He had a low “elf”-esteem!
104. What do you get if you cross Santa with a snowman? Frostbite!
105. Why does Santa Claus go to college? To improve his “elf”-esteem!
106. What did Santa say to the smoker? Please don’t smoke, it’s bad for my “elf”!
107. Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor? Because he had low “elf” esteem!
108. What do you call Santa when he loses his pants? Saint Knickerless!
109. What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker!
110. What is Santa’s favorite snack? Jingle bell peppers!
111. What do you get if you cross Santa with a vampire? Fangs for the Christmas gifts!
112. Why did Santa go to music school? Because he wanted to improve his “elf”-tooting skills!
113. What do you call Santa when he loses his memory? Santa Amnesia!
114. Why did Santa go to the doctor? Because he had a “Claus”-trophobic episode!
115. What do you get if you cross Santa with a computer? A floppy “elf”!
116. What do you get if you cross Santa with a shark? Jingle sharks!
117. Why did Santa go to school to study music? Because he wanted to improve his “elf”-tooting skills!
118. What do you get if you cross Santa with a baker? Krisp Kringles!
119. What do you get if you cross Santa with a kangaroo? A jolly jumper!
120. What do you get if you cross Santa with a painter? Saint Picasso!
121. Why did Santa go to school to study art? Because he wanted to improve his “elf”-portrait skills!
122. What do you get if you cross Santa with a baker? Krisp Kringles!
123. How does Santa keep his suits wrinkle-free? He uses Claus-tarch!
124. What’s Santa’s favorite type of weather? “Sleigh”-ter!
125. What do you get if you cross Santa with a snowman? Frosty Claus!
126. How does Santa keep his garden tidy? With “Santa”aloupe!
127. Why did Santa’s helper feel sad? He had low “elf” esteem!
128. How does Santa capture pictures? With his North “Pole”aroid camera!
129. What do you call Santa when he accidentally falls into the fireplace? Krisp Kringle!
130. Why does Santa always carry a suitcase? Because he’s a “travel”ing man!
131. What do you call Santa when he takes a break to get in shape? Santa CrossFit!
132. How does Santa keep his sleigh in good condition? He takes it to the “snow”mobile repair shop!
133. What do you call Santa when he starts breakdancing? Santa “Spin”-dle!
134. How does Santa keep his clothes wrinkle-free? He “presses” them with Christmas cheer!
135. What’s Santa’s favorite sport? North “Pole” vaulting!
136. Why did Santa’s helper bring a ladder to work? Because he wanted to climb the “corporate” ladder!
137. How does Santa keep his beard neat? He uses “Santa”-izer!
138. What do you call Santa when he loses his memory? Kris Kringle “amnesia”!
139. How does Santa keep his reindeer in line? With “rein”forcement!
140. What do you call Santa’s little helpers when they sing? Carolers!
141. How does Santa send messages? He uses “Sleigh-Mail”!
142. What do you call Santa’s helpers when they do stand-up comedy? “Jolly” comics!
143. Why did Santa’s helper bring a broom to work? Because he wanted to “sweep” the nation!
144. What do you call Santa’s little helpers when they do magic tricks? “Jolly”cians!
145. How does Santa keep his reindeer in shape? He takes them to the “hoof”-ness center!
146. What do you call Santa’s helpers when they play in a band? “Jingle” bells!
147. Why did Santa’s helper bring a ladder to the office? He wanted to “climb” the corporate ladder!
148. What do you call Santa when he takes a break to relax? Santa “Chill”aus!
149. Why did Santa’s helper bring a wrench to work? He wanted to “fix” everything!
150. How does Santa keep his reindeer well-behaved? With “rein”-forcements!
151. What do you call Santa’s helpers when they play sports? “Jolly” ballers!
152. Why did Santa’s helper bring a dictionary to work? He wanted to learn some new “elf”-abet words!
153. How does Santa keep his beard tidy? He uses “Santa”-tizer!
154. Why did Santa’s helper bring a magnifying glass to work? He wanted to “sleigh” his tasks!
155. How does a snowman get around? By riding an “icicle”!
156. What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
157. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An “abdominable” snowman!
158. Why did Santa go to college for music? He wanted to improve his “wrap” skills!
159. Why did Santa start an airline? Because he wanted to deliver presents in “flight” speed!
160. What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes!
161. What’s Santa’s favorite kind of candy? Jolly Ranchers!
162. What do you call Santa’s helpers when they’re singing? Santa-tizers!
163. How does a snowman get around? By riding an “icicle”!
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